Time for some recycling. I put this entry up at my old blog on November 30, 2004. I want to repost it here because I just remembered that Dennis Miller’s talk show was cancelled a few days ago, and thought it’d be nice to celebrate the axing by reminiscing and by kicking some sand in his face. Salud, friend:

DEAR DENNIS MILLER,

I flipped past you on CNBC earlier tonight, and I just wanted to say: I’m disappointed in you, Dennis. I remember the way things were five years ago, when you were a comedian and not just the Dummy of some Elephantine Ventriloquist. You illuminated the idiocy of our culture and politics, and did so with the smarmy arrogance that only people who understood your similes could tolerate. I loved every second of it. While it lasted.

At this point, I do not wish to begin a biting monologue, but I must criticize you, because I have the right and responsibility to do so. I’m the peer in your jury – we have at least three significant traits in common. We share a birthday, November 3 (along with American Badass Charles Bronson, He-Man Dolph Lundgren, and worthless bottom-center square Shadoe Stevens). We also have the same initials, and the same number of letters in our first and last names – six and six. Fair and balanced. Like your new position on politics.

I witnessed your turning point, when the Smeagol that was became the Gollum that is. It was September 21, 2002, at a comedy show with Jim Gaffigan and Lewis Black at the Orpheum Theater in Boston, MA. Their comedy blew you off the stage, while yours just blew. You had balls though – to support wholeheartedly the Bush administration’s scorched-earth policy in Afghanistan in THE Democratic state.

I sensed your eggshell-tiptoeing, but also heard some break. *Gollum*

What bothered me then, and what bothers me now, is that the idealism that you once upheld – the actions of a rational individual being governed by common sense – is not being invoked for goodness’ sake, but to back your precious partisan political beliefs. Years ago, you knew all politicians were idiots, and you lampooned them, hilariously and successfully so. After 9/11, you chose a side. You slid from middle to right, but you’ve kept sliding in that direction on the viscous layer that is Aggressive American Nationalism (not the frictional Understanding American Patriotism). Iraq is not Afghanistan, but you agreed with them both on the same ground of “Homeland Security.” Same answer, different scenarios. THAT doesn’t make sense.

You were and are entitled to your opinion, but not in the name of common sense. You explain your politics simply, and assume that because they are simple, they are also correct and infallible. You think your plain-spokenness appeals to the “misinformed” as much as it does the “uninformed.” Sorry — you’re wrong.

You’re obviously intelligent, but you are not wise.

Like hell if I’m going to let you give people born on November 3 a bad name. Let Roseanne do that for both of us.

Certainly, this is but my take on the situation. I might be right.