Ha (Cuties Pt. 1)
I was walking down First Avenue this morning. Half a block down I saw a pair of girls, one with sunglasses on. The one with sunglasses was holding a clipboard, talking to a guy, taking down some information.
I thought – and was right – that these girls were gathering signatures for some kind of petition. This happens a lot in New York. These clipboard holders are the troughs that collect the blood spilling out of the hearts of our most liberal brethren.
I notice these people to avoid them if at all possible. I find their activism disorienting.
In this case, the sidewalk was narrow and in my vicinity, there were no bodies I could use to deflect any invitation I might receive. No buffer zone, no picks set.
I walked by and saw that these two young ladies were very cute. Of course they were, if they were doing this kind of work.
As I passed, the cuter one asked me an unexpectedly specific question: “Are you a registered Democrat?”
I was put off by the fact that she didn’t just ask, “Would you like to sign…”
But I smiled and said, “Yes, I am, actually.”
She asked, “Would you like to sign a petition to help put {some guy’s name} on the ballot…?”
I said, “No, thanks.” Her cuteness aside, my momentum was carrying me towards my morning coffee. I wasn’t going to stop for anything less than saving some baby seals, or perhaps something nuclear.
In the end, though, I was proud to have reiterated the fact that I was of a certain political affiliation. I felt reaffirmed.
Then I walked five more feet and a homeless man asked me for some change. I ignored him.
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