Make no mistake, we live in interesting times. Given all the generations that preceded us, and all that might follow if the whole 2012 thing blows over, consider how blessed we have we been to be present for the creation and exhibition of The Human Centipede (First Sequence). And I say, “Finally!” Haven’t we all wondered what it would be like to surgically modify and connect three people via their mouths and anuses?
Dr. Heiter is a first-rate surgeon from Germany whose specialty is disconnecting conjoined twins. But he’s also a man that has dreams. And helping him on the road to the realization of those dreams are a random trucker, poor sap tourist girls who should know better, a Japanese guy, generally people who are unaware until it’s too late of which integral part they might play. Dr. Heiter has been saddened by the loss of his 3-dog, the beast with three backs (sort of), the first iteration of a hypothetical creature of his own design: The title of the movie. But that’s getting ahead of ourselves. In this one, it’s just three human beings who get the nod.
Two of them are American tourists of bottomless stupidity, and… I can’t do it. I can’t continue to summarize the plot, it’s just too ridiculous. To analyze it is needless. To begin to put down the decision-making of these girls right out is fine, but to be judgmental at all is to assume that this movie isn’t centrally about taking the digestive systems of three people and making them one. If the premise alone wasn’t convincing enough, luckily the movie wastes no time before letting you know to throw any, and I mean any sense of artistry aside and to get ready to laugh and feel morally violated. It’s a movie to joke your way through, and in that regard, totally worth it.
If anything else, it’s a litmus test for your own constitution. I’m sort of squeamish; in real life I’m not really a fan of wounds and surgery and other people’s body parts in non-sexual situations, reasons all for not becoming a doctor. But I’m all right with most of that on-screen. Except for teeth stuff, a little bit of eye stuff, and dismemberment. I thought all that going in, but some of those fears were confirmed with this film while I remained indifferent to others. In one scene I see the helplessness in the eyes of a poor girl as she ingests the fecal matter of the Asian man she’s been sewn to, but that bothers me less than a tooth extraction scene, during which I did leave the room under the pretense of fetching another beer, which I needed anyway. (But then, I don’t even like the full-stop tooth extraction in the claymation Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, which beyond being frightening is actually really sad.) Actually, for a theoretically graphic movie, there wasn’t an excess of gore or blood or other bodily fluids to be seen beyond one short sequence.
It’s long out of theaters – unbelievably – but this one’s definitely one to watch with a group of people, to make merciless fun of it and for solidarity during the more gruesome parts. I also recommend Daniel Tosh’s excellent walkthrough for a post-viewing denouement (or as a stand-in if the movie sounds too horrible to exist).
And there’s going to be a sequel!
In brief: So bad it’s bad, but practically unmissable.
1 star/4 (D)
Seen on: Netflix streaming