Savings & Groan
Apparently, I’m deceased.
Here’s how I came to this conclusion:
Two weeks ago, I planned to take care of some very longstanding paperwork at my local bank. There was a sum of money, not large at all but large enough to want to retrieve, that was being held in trust for me in the name of my grandmother.
So y’all know, I turned 18 a number of years ago, and this grandmother died a few years before that.
As I said, longstanding paperwork.
I had to go to Town Hall to procure a death certificate to show the bank that my lovely grandmother was indeed deceased and that I could have access to this sum of money that would cover just about one credit card bill.
The account hadn’t been touched in years, long enough for it to be dubbed “Dormant” and for me to have to fill out a Dormancy Removal form and to wait a number of days for that to process.
A short goose chase ensued, with my having to fill out more forms and the bank taking more copies of my license, with my waiting on phone calls that never happened and blah blah you don’t need to hear this.
The banklady said the account would be closed and I’d get a check in the mail.
Which I did.
In my grandmother’s name.
First of all, I had no idea that gross incompetence is something you can actually list on a resume to make you sound more employable. Holy fucking hell. I’ll have to update later.
Also, believe it or not, I’m not this hilarious all the time. I can be pretty morbid when it comes down to it: I occasionally mention how I want my funeral to be and I’m just nowadays realizing that maybe that’s not so normal. Who knew?
Now, I’m convinced that wisdom often comes with a laugh. To see in plain ink that my sweet and wonderful and unfortunately deceased grandmother was getting a larger paycheck than me, not only made me laugh but made me think for a moment that, in death, her life in death was more valuable than mine. And that that was odd to me. And that there’s more to living than existing, and more to death than not breathing.
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