Schmearth Day
I saw a dog almost standing up, ready to egest onto a shrubbery in Stuyvesant Square.
Ain’t nature the neatest?
I approach Earth Day with the same even-handed mentality with which I view all government-induced “holidays” – either you treat the namesake with the same mentality every day of the year or you stop pretending like spooning with a bush once per trip around the sun more than makes up for it.
Maybe the celebratory attention fosters more fundamental appreciation. It obviously has with me. Fine.
But I think that’s an incidental moral byproduct of fuckyou-gimme capitalism, at least with the less natural holidays: Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Our Sales Hammock During This Quarter So Let’s Invent A Holiday Day.
And the “days” roll on, everywhere: Secretary Appreciation Day, Customer Appreciation Day–
Holy shit, it was Customer Appreciation Day at my bank last Monday. You know how they let us know they appreciated us? Not by reducing our minimum balances, or handing out checks, or CDs, or candy.
They put up three balloons.
And they let the tellers wear comfortable t-shirts, and apparently told them not to worry about making themselves otherwise presentable.
That’s weekendish. And moreover, that’s SELF-appreciation. I didn’t get no balloon.
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