Self-Depreciation
I’m happy to report some good news.
The news is twofold.
First, in response to my last post, I am happy to clarify that I am not above the use of visual aids in my creative process. I must always remember that despite my empirical affinity with the written word, the written word itself is a visual representation of what is also, if not originally, a sound. That’s the beautiful duality of written language, it can be the signifier or merely its own end. Paint on a canvas can be arranged to depict a brookside cottage, but it also be applied with the intent of being seen as an end to itself, the paint is the painting, it is the thing in itself, the medium is the message, and there we have it.
Secondly, in response to my first post about the writer’s attempt to be fifteen percent less self-deprecating that week, I am happy to articulate that the week was a success, the writer was indeed continuing to deprecate himself, but merely at a good approximation of that 85% goal – it was somewhere between 80-85%. St. Patrick’s Day week was off the chart, but I’ll again shoot for being 15% less self-deprecating this week. We’ll assume I’ve held steady at about 85% of what I was two weeks ago. If these numbers continue to hold up, not only will I feel more pleasant and so much less ironic, my personal success will adhere to this lovely curve, seen in this aid I scratched together:
I know as well as anyone that past performance does not predict future returns, but I’m excited by the chance to operate at under 20% of my original self-effacing level by Memorial Day. Sweet.
This chart has also inspired me along the lines of Zeno’s Arrow Paradox, which you also might understand to be “Fletcher’s Paradox,” since a fletcher is a maker of arrows. See, along with being entirely too self-deprecating, I’m also a recovering perfectionist. Seeing that this depreciating self-deprecation will only approach zero, yet never attain it, has comforted me in that I will never have to go entirely without mocking myself – as long as I do it a little bit less than last week, I’ll be okay.
That’s my little conclusion here: it’s impossible to be perfect – except when bowling 300, throwing 501 in 9 darts, etc. – and much more rewarding, and satisfying, and attainable, just to try and be better than you were.
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