Note from Underground #4

Took the N train home from work yesterday.  I usually drive, but when gas went over four dollars a gallon (I chose to write that out because the number is too staggering) I decided to mix things up a bit with my commute and lighten the load a bit.  Like watering down scotch.

Took advantage of the train ride to read a good portion of Colin McGinn’s intellectual memoir The Making of a Philosopher.  This is not bragging.  I brag later in the entry.  Really, I only mention the book because it has a lot to do with what actually transpired on that train ride I mentioned before these eddies of exposition.

Was standing on the N train towards the middle poles, a few feet from the door but not too close since I got on at 34th Street and was headed to Astoria and got pushed toward the middle (as so many independent minded folk eventually join a mainstream).  Somewhere in Manhattan, I’m betting, a guy got on the train and stood next to me – and even though many guys and many girls have stood next to me on the train, without actually seeing this gentleman’s face, I thought I knew him – it was only his frame and his head, but I swore he was familiar.

When we got out from underground I was still entrenched in my philosophy when the gentleman next to me started with the Blackberry.  Even that wouldn’t have caught my attention as being so outlandish if, when the train made its next stop at 39th Avenue, the man hadn’t been so busy caressing the device that he couldn’t spare a hand to hold onto the rail before the train stopped a smidge abruptly and sent the man hurtling softly into my bony side.  Undeterred, my eyes didn’t leave the book.  I remained undeterred when at 36th Avenue, the same exact thing happened, only the impact was more forceful – not enough to disturb my focus, but enough for the man to say “Jesus Christ,” as a form of apology that, while not explicitly offered, I accepted in my own tacitly inexplicit way.

I glanced over again and saw the man in profile, now convinced I know who he is.  And what he’s doing on that train.  And where he’s going, if he’s the man I think he is.

Broadway.  We both detrain.  He heads back down 31st Street, I across Broadway to my own block.

Ladies and Gentleman, WFAN’s Chris Carlin.

I think.

See, WFAN has its studio just down the block from my apartment.  Totally reasonable that Mr. Carlin would be heading over there on the N.

The point of this post is first of all not to scare Chris Carlin or even to namedrop, yet still not to hammer home that I read philosophical memoirs on subway trains in mid-spring.  It’s merely to highlight the connection I saw between what I was reading and what I soon saw.  In the memoir, McGinn wrote of both his focus and his luck – of his proactivity, and of the worldly circumstances that accepted, encouraged and accelerated his achievements.  You might say it’s like howling at the moon and the moon howling back.  Only when you think about it a little, it’s not the moon that you’re hearing at all, but an echo of your own voice in the forbidding canyon below.

The world we see is in our head.  If we’re lucky, and faithful, the creation we see does correlate to an external world.  But as a tree is contained in a seed, truly our whole lives our held in our minds.  What if the things that happen to us, that surprise us, delight us, are really surprises we withhold from ourselves – since they’re in our minds before we can acknowledge them?  What then?

For now, for me, I love the irony of the situation – I listen to Carlin on the radio in the morning on my drives to work, yet I see him in person during one of my very few subway commutes.  It’s cool to have had him run into me.  It’s also cool that I’ve gotten a post out of something so small, yet has made me think so much.

Note from Underground #3

Every day this week the V skittered into the Steinway Street subway station, a few minutes after I got there, a few minutes after I wanted it to get there, which was quite a few minutes after I wanted to get there myself.

Every day the V came before the R, which also stops there. I haven’t seen a G train there in months, though it’s advertised as such.

Every day I took the V, which came first, instead of the R. Both get me to the Q, which is where I have to be, but not necessarily where I want to be.

Every day I grumbled a bit, having my stale cake and eating it, too, since the V gets me to work five minutes sooner – which is still ten minutes late – than the R, while that shorter commute also entails a longer transfer walk: on the R, I just skip across the platform.

Every day I took the V and went on that longer walk to the Q.

Every day I waited in the sweltering 34th Street station.

Every day I thought how hot it was, and how long I’d be there, and how cool the R stations are, and how short I’d be there.

Today was my last day taking the V.

Note from Underground #2

It happened again just yesterday. Plink-plink. Nail clipping. Male, late teens. Window seat, backward facing, next to one of his friends and perpendicular to another. They didn’t seem to mind. They must not have read my blog entry.

Only eight days had passed. It had been at least ten since the previous occurrence. There’s no predicting when this will next occur, because I don’t have enough data to set up a clipping matrix of any statistical significance.

But it will happen again, yes. Maybe that sun-rising certainty is the good to be hidden beneath this goopy irritation. Maybe these entries belonged on my old blog. Maybe I haven’t changed all that much since then. Maybe.

Note from Underground #1

It’s disgusting.

Today was the fourth time in the last three weeks – since I announced it aloud and brought more of it to fruition – that my attention on the subway in the morning, normally hard to grasp, has been yanked out of its daydream by its ankle and also by the short, heavy, high-pitched *snap*…..*snap*……..*snap* of some inconsiderate, nasty, boundaryless freak clipping her – or his – fingernails on the underground.

Now, I have a pretty high tolerance for what others consider disgusting – I am a male in my mid-twenties with rent to pay, after all – but this monotonous dull thud is like Chinese water torture to me, if the drops were…slowly after…one another…into my…sideways ear – wow, not unlike King Hamlet sitting in his Danish garden. I put up with the voluminous on the trains, the bastards who put their feet up, the insecure guys who hold the two vertical poles in the middle of the train as if they own the train (it’s not like he’s in the Lords of Hell), I put up with all of it and everything and for longer than most of you reading this, through three boroughs of New York.

I deserve either of two things, I’ve realized – an award, for holding my temper, merely cracking my knuckles and gritting my teeth – or a citation, for letting this filth run amok in what amounts to the only “clean” area of the subway that isn’t used as a toilet by some mammal more frequently than twice a day. I may deserve those, but I know exactly what I’ll get – what I’ve always gotten, which is someone clipping his or her fingernails on the subway about twice a month, snapping gleeful and unfettered by social restriction by the rest of us too thoughtful to let them know how sickening they are and how their sickness is so utterly evident to the rest of us, even those less perceptive than I see myself.