With what should be a very watchable Stanley Cup Final (still no “s”) beginning tomorrow, I’ve decided to commemorate the occasion with a special unveiling. I’ve had this list on my mind for some time – 20 years give or take – though while I looked deeply into it a few months ago now, the time wasn’t yet right to make my final selections.

Taking you back: I was neck-deep into hockey for about five years in the early-to-mid 90s. At least half of it was The Mighty Ducks, which led to me want roller blades more than anything on earth and got me playing some roller hockey for a few fun years. A good portion of the rest was each year’s updated NHL game for the Sega Genesis. But it might have all begun in 5th grade, when at my elementary school’s Bingo Night, I won a round and got to pick a small prize, which was a pack of hockey cards. I’d collected baseball cards for a while and loved learning all the stats and all the names, but this hockey stuff was entirely different for me. A sport I didn’t really play or understand with players from all over the world? Incredible.

And soon, as they do, patterns emerged.

Once I got a card: “Igor Kravchuk.” Alrighty.

And then on the Genesis: “Clint Malarchuk.” And “Darcy Wakaluk.”

What’s with all the “uk”s? And going a step further, the “chuks”??

Well, I was 11 or so and hadn’t come across one of these cool-sounding names, but it wasn’t anything so strange. Turns out “-chuk” is a common suffix for Ukranian surnames. While the name has shown up in the NHL over the last couple of decades, it’s not very common, shared among only 30 players or so.

As far as suffixes go, the best of the “-Chuks” might stack up against anyone with any other suffix or prefix or anything.

(Three things before we continue:
1) All stats are from hockey-reference.com.
2) I hope this doesn’t come out racist or anything. I’m singling out not to demean but to honor, as the whole point of this exercise is to celebrate the talent and heritage as one.
3) At the tail end of my research I came across a thread that addressed many of these same names, nicknames, even came to my same conclusions, it would seem. Surely many hockey fans have had this same idea but while it’s unoriginal my thoughts are here my own.)

-In goal, Terry Sawchuk. Easily. One of the all-time greats. Won four Stanley Cups with Detroit, with whom he spent most of his career. He won 447 regular season games and according to his wikipedia article had almost as many stitches in his face.

(A special shout-out to Clint Malarchuk, not only the first of several Buffalo Sabres to be mentioned here today but for making it through one of the most horrifying injuries I’ve ever seen anywhere. I don’t even want to link to it.)

-On defense, the pickings were sort of slim, depending on how you look. Many of the most famous defensemen were the offensive ones who stood very much out: No -chuks among them. Igor Kravchuk, though one of the originals, didn’t quite measure up. I chose Richard Matvichuk, who had a decent if unspectacular statistical career. He did win a Cup and finished solidly on the plus side of plus-minus. So he’s in.

-Also on defense, a younger guy. Anton Babchuk. He scored 16 and 11 goals in a few seasons with Carolina which, on this team which will never actually take the ice, seems to fit nicely with Matvichuk’s defensive defensiveness. I’ll take it.

-On offense, I have four players for three spots. Two are easier calls, but two others are about even. Just missing the cut would be Dave Andreychuk. Cup winner, two-time 50-goal scorer. Great on the power play. He scored a lot of goals but also played for a very long time. Longevity is to be respected, but since his per-game averages were better, I’ll ask Keith Tkachuk to be the right wing. An old Jet, he also twice scored 50, but was a more physical player especially earlier in his career. Impressive combination.

-On the left side, Ilya Kovalchuk, formerly of the Winnipeg-bound Atlanta Thrashers. Six straight seasons of 40+ goals, also twice scored 50. His production slipped a little bit this past year but his resume is already so impressive that it’s an easy choice.

-And finally, the clearest offensive choice of all, Dale Hawerchuk, center. Hall of Famer. And speaking of Winnipeg, another former Jet.

Regarding the nickname, I thought “Chukars” might be a nice touch. A chukar is apparently a game bird, a partridge. Naturally, a minor league baseball team in Idaho has already chosen the nickname, so I’ll let it go. “Chuks,” like Nunchuks? Cute, but maybe it’s too on the nose, like calling a team of the best Irish baseball players “The Micks.” Steering clear of controversy, here. “Woodchucks” actually isn’t bad. “Chuggers” is a step in the wrong direction. In the end, though, it’s going to have to be “Chukkers.” Yes, a chukker is a kind of boot (that’s also spelled “Chukkas”) but a boot is very much like a hockey skate, no? It’s good enough for me and I hope it’s good enough for all these guys. And for their hometown, and not just because I had some Leinenkugel over the weekend, Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin.

Congratulations, Chippewa Falls Chukkers!